David Becomes King of All Israel

David loses his worst enemy and his best friend in the same battle — and grieves them both like kings. This chapter is proof that how you treat people who wronged you says more about your character than anything else, and it contains one of the rawest pieces of poetry in the entire Bible.

David finally gets crowned king — but only over Judah. Meanwhile Abner props up Saul's son as a rival king over the rest of Israel, and what starts as a "friendly competition" turns into an all-out bloodbath. Civil war era.

This chapter proves that winning the throne doesn't mean you control anything. Abner tries to hand David the whole kingdom, Joab murders him out of revenge, and David is left grieving a man he needed alive — powerless against his own general. It's a masterclass in how integrity survives when everything around it is playing dirty.

Two dudes think they can score points with David by taking out Saul's last son. Spoiler: David is NOT impressed. He already dealt with the last guy who tried this, and these two are about to find out the hard way.

All of Israel finally pulls up to David and says "you're our king now, no cap." He captures Jerusalem, builds it up, and then the Philistines try to test him twice — and get absolutely cooked both times.